Kyoko Kimura vs. Kayoko Haruyama - JWP Openweight title match - JWP Pure Slam (2009)
Time for some hardcore female action. Yes I meant to write that, and no I'm not going to change it.
Kyoko Kimura takes on Kayoko Haruyama in a super violent bout that includes an unforgettable balcony spot... yes, this is the match where Kimura jumps off a balcony, landing directly onto Haruyama below:
Kimura also cuts Haruyama with some sort of shank, straggles her with a chain, and trades some pretty stiff-looking strikes. However, everything else is irrelevant once you've seen this balcony spot.
Shane McMahon vs. Vince McMahon - Street Fight - Wrestlemania X-Seven (2001)
What started out as Shane McMahon returning to the WWF to confront his father about the state of his mother, Linda who was in an unconscious state, turned into Shane buying WCW, WWF's biggest rival, right from under his father's feet. To make matters even worse for Mr. McMahon, Shane allowed Mick Foley, the man that Linda let officiate a six-man Hell in a Cell match which was the cause of Mr. McMahon flipping his lid at her to a point of comatose, the chance to be the special guest referee of any match he wanted at Wrestlemania. Naturally, Mick Foley picked Shane and Vince's match to be special referee not only to get under Vince's skin but also because it was right up his alley; a street fight.
Throw in some Trish Stratus and Stephanie McMahon nonsense, and this match had a bigger build and story behind it than pretty much any Wrestlemania match of this decade. Of course, the match itself was a classic Shane McMahon performs the craziest spots he can think of match but it had no shortage of detailed storyline to it whatsoever!
Masada vs. Jun Kasai - No Mat, Glass Pane, Gusset Plate Deathmatch Pain Limit finals - FREEDOMS (2012)
Here's another tournament match...
CZW's Masada and "The Crazy Monkey" Jun Kasai know how to put on an ultraviolent, stomach curdling, how-is-this-stuff-even-legal?, bloody-ass deathmatch. If you don't like the sound of anything that I just wrote, please do not watch this match. If you love the sound of what I wrote above, you are one sick fuck.
To add to this weeks theme, and in good practice with Ash Wednesday/Lent's giving something up until Jesus comes back on Easter with chocolate eggs, this match gets rid of the mat or canvas of the ring. Instead of all that soft stuff on top of the ring, it is completely bare with only its boards intact... well, that is, until Masada decides to tear off some boards to create a gaping hole in the ring. Once Masada strips the boards, he places a pane of glass over the hole and then, if it's pretty self explanatory as to what he does next, Masada powerbombs Kasai through the glass and down through the ring to the floor, or whatever is under a ring.
Luckily, Kasai survives the drop with only a few minor scratches and some skin peeled off. Then he finishes the match, of course.
Theme results
Ring Destruction: The mat/canvas is removed to began with then Masada rips out some boards for added hardcore nonsense.
CM Punk vs. Jimmy Rave - Dog Collar match - ROH Manhattan Mayhem (2005)
Miss CM Punk? Well, here's a CM Punk match.
Not too long before signing with WWE and going to Ohio Valley Wrestling, CM Punk was in Ring Of Honor's second ever dog collar match. Punk was also in the first which I've covered here before with Raven. This time Punk was facing off against Jimmy Rave who - while a prominent star of the indies at this time - will always be remembered as one half of the Rock N Rave Infection of TNA with Lance Rock (now wrestling as Lance Archer in NJPW) to me. These two put on a very physical match that is definitely a must-see if you are a punk fan, or a Jimmy Rave fan. There's Rave fans out there... somewhere... maybe.
The only thing that rubs me the wrong way during this match is the interference by Fast Eddie towards the end. I'm not ragging on him for having a run-in spot, I'm just bothered that the guy had to do a moonsault from the top rope to break up a pinfall. I get that Punk moves out of the way just before the landing and therefore Rave gets all of the moonsault, but come on, just get in there and break up the pin. Save the "I got to get my shit in" indy wrestling mentality for a match you will actually be in, but that's just me. Other than that though, this match is very good.
PS: The sounds cuts out about two thirds the way into the video above. It's not that big of a deal, I just don't want anyone thinking they lost his or her sound or something.
Shitty vs. Addy Starr - Lego Deathmatch - Inter Species Wrestling Burger King of the Ring (2011)
In honor of the Lego Movie -I haven't seen it so no spoilers - here is another Lego-inspired deathmatch from the human/animal/monster/undead people wrestling promotion out of Quebec, Canada.
This Lego deathmatch is the third in existence from ISW and features the same man who was in the previous colorful connectable building blocks mess of a match and was also in the second (which I have yet to see). The man I'm talking about is Shitty, previously known as Flip, who was brainwashed by Moohammad (the terrorist cow) to be a much shittier person. Shitty's opponent this time around was Addy Starr, a female competitor not afraid to step in the ring with the Lego Deathmatch veteran, but also not afraid to get hardcore with Lego covered kickpads and Lego covered taped fists ablazin'. Addy Starr even dons the D'Lo Brown Lego vest at one point to boost her already Lego-based offense.
It's a messy, and dare I say a "shitty" match, but that's what it was going for. This isn't Flair/Steamboat #169, this is a Lego Deathmatch, a match that requires the most brutal and creative looking spots to do with Lego brand construction toys!
Hak vs. Raven vs. Bam Bam Bigelow - Falls Count Anywhere Triangle match - WCW Uncensored (1999)
Three guys who made a name for themselves in the extreme promotion known as ECW going head to head to head in a WCW style hardcore match. As an early precursor to WCW's Hardcore title division (a cheap imitation of the hardcore wrestling that had become popular through WWF), all it really was was taking the weapon-oriented style that ECW was using (but not limited to) and cranking it up to 11. So, as you can see from the video above, this match is more about how many things Hak (Sandman), Raven, and Bam Bam Bigelow can hit each other with than it is about being hardcore. Granted, these guys are/were hardcore at one point or another, the match is still just one big mess.
Many people call the backyard wrestling, ultraviolent, sleazy hardcore wresting of today "trash" wrestling, but this match literally looked like trash wrestling with all the crap that littered the ring.
PS: sorry for the sketchy video... it was the best I could find just of this match in its entirety.
Greg Valentine vs. Kendo Nagasaki - No Rope Barbed Wire Deathmatch - BJW (1995)
It may seem surprising at first that Greg "The Hammer" Valentine would be found here fighting in a Japanese deathmatch in one of the most violent Japanese deathmatch promotions, Big Japan. But if you really think about earlier Greg Valentine (before the jet black hair, Rhythm & Blues days), Valentine was just out to hurt people. John Darnielle of The Mountain Goats made a great point about Greg Valentine during an intro to his live song, "Song for Greg Valentine" where Darnielle describes Valentine as a wrestler more out to break his opponents' legs and cripple them than to win matches. Which is pretty awesome, by the way.
That being said though, this is not the Greg Valentine that fought Roddy Piper in a brutal dog collar match or tried to end "Rugged" Ronnie Garvin's career, this is a miserable shell of a man who happens to be fighting in a Japanese deathmatch. Thus, this match really suffers because of it. Granted this match is still violent and features all the goodies that you would expect in a deathmatch like barbed wire, brawling through the crowd, and that red wet stuff, it's very slow and with little to no drive. No one breaks their legs, no one gets crippled, no nothing.
Sami Callihan vs. Drake Younger - Guerrilla Warfare #1 contender's match - PWG All Star Weekend 9 Night 1 (2013)
Speaking of best-of series's and Sami's...
The series of matches between Sami Callihan and Drake Younger are a brutal mix of performing arts and insane indy wrestling nonsense; the opposite of what I said the Zayn/Cesaro match was. But you know what, Callihan/Younger is in another league all by itself.
This Guerrilla Warfare match at All Star Weekend 9 (the first Pro Wrestling Guerrilla show I ever saw, so it holds a special place in my heart) is the third and final match of the Callihan/Younger series in Pro Wrestling Guerrilla and it also serves as a #1 contenders match for Adam Cole's PWG championship the next night. A Guerrilla Warfare match in of itself is an anything goes, hardcore match - a match that neither of these two are new too as both Callihan and Younger have cut their teeth in many violent promotions including CZW, BJW, IWA:MS, and IPW.
This match takes the cake for my favorite hardcore match of the year hands down. It's got chair spots, trashcan spots, staple guns, thumbtacks... hell, even the streamers get hardcore. The best part is that this is not some random slugfest, it's a big blow-off match between two heated rivals who just want to hurt each other. If you wanna get a better feel for this match I would recommend checking this video out that also features the first two matches boiling up to this match (it's a music video but the music doesn't suck).
Sabu vs. Sandman - Stairway To Hell match - ECW House Party (1998)
Even ECW had their own variation to a simple ladder match going in the late 90's to early 00's. The match was called a "Stairway To Hell" match and was much more like a pole match than a ladder match as the object was to retrieve a weapon hanging above the ring for use, but the retrieval did not end the match. The weapon of choice, of course, was a big ball of barbed wire.
This is ECW's first Stairway To Hell featuring the cane wielding, beer drinking, cigarette smoking, Sandman versus the homicidal, genocidal, and incredibility suicidal, Sabu.
Mike Awesome vs. Masato Tanaka - ECW One Night Stand (2005)
It's my birthday, so here's one of my favorite matches.
The Mike Awesome/Masato Tanaka match from ECW's One Night Stand show in 2005 is not the two's first outing together. These two had been fighting each other for the sake of fighting since the early/mid 90's from ECW to FMW in Japan with little to no remorse for each others well being. What makes this particular encounter so special is really pretty much random other than the fact that the crowd was red hot for them and the atmosphere that night was incredible. The two just go out to the ring and continue where they left off from their last match like it was still Heat Wave 1998. There's unprotected chair shots, a brutal Awesome bomb from the apron to a slanted table, an almost 300 pound man continually diving to the outside like this was a PWG All-Star Weekend, and, of course, Joey Styles' nonstop bad-mouthing of Mike Awesome on commentary.
This match might be remembered most for Joey Styles "shoot" on Awesome for being a terrible human being business-wise and the line after Awesome completed his first suicide dive to the outside, "...and it's unfortunate he did not succeed in taking his own life"; a foreshadowing of Awesome's demise as he would actually take his life 2 years later. That's not what makes this match special to me, but it is something that always gets brought up.
Regardless of all Joey Styles stuff, this match and the whole Awesome/Tanaka feud is really a sight to see from their days in FMW to this final battle at One Night Stand. These two put on simple yet brutal matches together that required little to no explanation. Destroying each other was just what they did.
Hayabusa, Jinsei Shinzaki, & Masato Tanaka vs. Mr. Gannosuke, Yukihiro Kanemura, & Atsushi Onita - barbed wire baseball bat ladder WarGames deathmatch - FMW Super Extreme Wrestling War (1997)
Part 1:
Frontier Martial-Arts Wrestling decided to take the concept of WarGames from NWA/WCW and replace the two ring element of the match with hardcore weapons like ladders, barbed wire, steel chairs, and handcuffs. The one thing that makes this match a WarGames-type match like the ones seen on the Great American Bash tour of 1987 with the Horsemen and Road Warriors, other than it being held in a caged structure, is the "staggered entry" format. Two men start in the cage and after a certain amount of time, another member from either team gets to enter the cage... but once this match got underway, that was also thrown out as all hell broke loose.
Part 2:
Yes, the match was one big cluster of violence, but really, that's what WarGames was all about; you got to see your favorite team (the good guys) take on the rival team (the bad guys) with little to no rules or restrictions. Granted this particular "WarGames" match didn't have the double ring set up that the original was known for, it still had the best wrestlers from FMW destroying one another inside one cage!
Ryuji Yamakawa vs. Katsumi Usuda - BJW vs. Battlearts (1998)
When Battlearts own, Katsumi Usuda took on Big Japan Pro Wrestling deathmatcher, Ryuji Yamakawa in a special BJW versus Battlearts event, Usuda decided to get a little hardcore himself. Part way through the match, Yamakawa grabs some loose barbed wire from under the ring and throws it into the squared circle. Before Yamakawa has a chance to do any damage to Usuda with it, however, Usuda takes the barbed wire and wraps the wiry mess around his kickpad. Usuda then proceeds to kick the living shit out of Yamakawa with it until his opponent is heavily scarred up.
Kishin Liger is the much darker and sadistic side of Jushin "Thunder" Liger. One could also argue that he is the KISS version of Jushin Liger, but don't let that fool you, this is not the Liger who wants to party all night. No, this is the Liger you definitely do not want to be crossing paths with. First appearing after The Great Muta ripped off his mask in 1996, The "Kishin" character only makes rare appearances when it is most fitting for revenge - such as this match featuring Bad Boy Hido ten years later. Hido, an ultraviolent specialist, thought it would be a wise move to chop some of Liger's hair off...
Let's just say Hido got what he had coming to him.
Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Rikishi - No Holds Bared match - WWF No Mercy (2000)
Almost a year went by where the WWF fans (now known as the WWE Universe, of course) did not see Stone Cold Steve Austin from late 1999 to 2000. The reason for this, in reality, was that Stone Cold's neck injury he had sustained from a botched piledriver in 1997 (which ultimately shortened his career) had worsened, forcing Austin to take some time off to recover. So how did the WWF write off the Texas Rattlesnake from television? Simple. They ran him over with a car.
But who done it? Well, that was a little more complex. As a full time watcher of all things WWF around this time, I was glued to the TV every week waiting to find out just who ran Stone Cold over. And while I had my suspensions (Triple H), I had no idea that the driver of the black car that hit Stone Cold in the parking lot at Survivor Series would be... Rikishi?
Rikishi admitted to taking out Austin almost a year later on Raw after his match that night. But why Rikishi why? Thus, the Rikishi meme was born... 'Kishi admits that "he did it for the Rock" and for all the Samoans who had been held down since the Rock's grandfather was in the business. Rikishi then admitted that, if he had the chance, he would easily run Austin over again!
In Stone Cold's first match to the ring in almost a year, he got his chance at revenge on the man who ran him down.. in a no holds barred, anything goes match at No Mercy in 2000. The match gets so heated that Stone Cold shoves Rikishi in the back on his beat-up pick up and drives him outside where he leaves the 400 pound man in a bloody mess laying on the side of the building. In the final eye for an eye confrontation, it looks like Stone Cold will run his truck into the lifeless Rikishi. But as he revs up the Stone Cold mobile, he instead runs into a police car! The match ends there with Stone Cold getting arrested and put in a police car.
Vintage Austin.
Theme Results
Returner: Stone Cold Steve Austin to get his revenge after being put on the shelf for almost a year via attempted vehicular manslaughter.
Jon Moxley vs. Brain Damage - Dining Deathmatch - CZW Tournament of Death 8 (2009)
Remember how I said that last deathmatch wasn't like the kind where the two wrestlers beat each other with fine-china until one has a near-death experience or something like that? Yeah, well this is that match with the china (there probably weren't that "fine") - among other things you would find in dining rooms, like: tables, chairs, grandfather clocks, and skilsaws (I'll get to that later).
But what was for dinner? Thumbtack cake, of course! At least that's what I've heard... and it makes sense really, not only because this is Combat Zone Wrestling, but because they wasted it by throwing it into each other's faces rather than eating it. I guess if they had eaten it, it would have been called a cake eating deathmatch.
I'm on a roll with bad jokes this week. Hah, roll.. like bread.
I'm sorry.
This match between Jon Moxley (Currently the US champ in WWE as Dean Ambrose) and the late Brain Damage is probably one of the best Moxley deathmatches and heavily talked about especially because of the skilsaw spot. There, I got to it.
Flip vs. Stinky the Homeless Guy - Fans Bring The LEGO Deathmatch - Inter Species Wrestling 4 Years of This?! (2009)
Flip takes on his former Lady and the Tramp tag team partner, the late Stinky the Homeless Guy in a match featuring everyone's favorite childhood building toys, LEGOs!
Before you start rolling your eyes at me internet goers, hear me out: Would you rather not get put through a table, get fluorescent lights smashed over your head, or step on a Lego? I know which one I'd rather not have to deal with... the Lego one, of course! That shit hurts like hell.
Okay, so being slammed on some Legos wouldn't be as painful as, say, a gusset or a kenzan (look it up), but you gotta at least give it up to these two for going where not a lot of wrestlers had gone before... the toy box.
Also, check out that sweet D'Lo Brown Lego vest! This match touches all my childhood nostalgia buttons.
Raven vs. CM Punk - Dog Collar match - ROH Death Before Dishonor (2003)
One of CM Punk's greatest rivalries in Ring of Honor. Features an early use of Punk's straight edge lifestyle versus a man who is struggling with his personal demons - a gimmick that was later used in Punk's rivalry with Jeff Hardy which some say really put Punk over in WWE. Parts of this rivalry were also used again in the Punk/Jericho Best in the World '12 feud.
Raven and CM Punk fought in many hardcore matches together around this time... some for ROH and some for TNA when Punk was in Raven's "Gathering"; TNA's version of The Flock.
Abyss vs. Desmond Wolfe - Monster's Ball match - Slammiversary VIII (2010)
Part 1:
In the midst of the the new championship ranking system and Hulk Hogan giving the Monster Abyss his Hall of Fame ring and some Hulkster music/attire, the TNA audience was treated to the small and forgettable (I forgot about it at least) feud between Desmond Wolfe and the Abyster.
The feud all began when Abyss beat Desmond Wolfe (better known as Nigel McGuinness from ROH) and got the services of Wolfe's valet, Chelsea for 30 days.
Part 2:
As Abyss started to show affection for Chelsea, Chelsea also began to show some sort of sympathy for the big monster. This story does not end like King Kong here at Slammiversary in the Monster's Ball match, however. No... instead, as Abyss gives Chelsea a teddy bear covered with barbed wire that Taz dubs the "hardcore teddy bear", Chelsea (who seemed fed up with Wolfe's continuous demands) eventually helps Abyss by tossing Wolfe's brass knuckles to the masked beast. The TNA Fairy tale ending at last!
But not really... Chelsea eventually returns to Desmond Wolfe after the 30 days are up and they ride off into the sunset to find a new life and success in the Impact Zone. Well, maybe not that last part.
Abdullah Kobayashi vs. Kyoko Kimura - Intergender Lighttube Deathmatch - BJW (2006)
Think of this match as less of a wrestling match and more of a horror movie where you actually care about the girl who's being attack by the monster and actually has a chance of winning.
It's tough to watch at some parts, especially if you are not a big fan of the whole 'make sure to break as many lighttubes because it looks cooler' hardcore wrestling mentality, but it's not as tough to watch as an intergender match once you realize how stiff Kyoko Kimura normally works. I haven't watched a lot of Kimura's matches, but the ones I have she is either really nice and friendly or stomping on girls off the tops of balconies. No joke.
Jeff Jarrett (c) vs. Chyna - Good Housekeeping match for the Intercontinental title - No Mercy (1999)
In order to prove that Chyna was really a woman, Jeff Jarrett issued a special challenge to the "Ninth Wonder in the World" to put her female skills to the test. The challenge: a Good Housekeeping match. What exactly is a Good Housekeeping match, you ask? Clearly it is a match filled with any sort of object that could be found in the house that women might use. So yep, Jeff Jarrett tried to beat Chyna with everything... including the kitchen sink.
This match is pretty significant not only because it was the first ever match featuring a man and a woman fighting each other with household objects and no one got arrested for domestic abuse on PPV, it was also significant because it was the last WWF/E match for Jeff Jarrett (who was wrestling without a contract and technically wasn't a WWF superstar) and was also the first time that a female wrestle, yep Chyna, won the Intercontinental title or any other title that wasn't in a female division in the WWF/E!
Now, this Good Housekeeping match might sound a little ridiculous and the last hurrah of Vince Russo (who was also leaving for WCW at the time) on paper, but from the looks of the promo shown before the match, this was seemingly one of the better and more well put together rivalries of late-1999. Even if this match revolved around Jarrett trying to hit Chyna with "every household appliance known to woman".
While Jeff Jarrett has yet to step in a WWF/E ring since this match, he did have a run in with Chyna again a couple years back when Kurt Angle brought her out as his "mistress" tag team partner against Jarrett and Angle's former wife, Karen. However, this was after Chyna stopped wrestling and started doing porn instead. So...
Thanks TNA.
Theme results:
Final match: Jeff Jarrett in WWF/E
PS: There were so many jokes for this match and I just couldn't write them all down. My apologies.
