Match of the Debut - Montel Vontavious Porter

MVP vs. Marty Garner - No Mercy (2006)

In honor of MVP's new roll in TNA.

For weeks a guy named Montel Vontavious Porter appeared on Smackdown to boast that he was the greatest free agent on the planet. When he finally stepped into the squared circle at No Mercy, it was obvious this guy was just heeling it up. So, JBL on commentary did his best at giving the Most Valuable Troller as much criticism as humanly possibly. Granted MVP did come out through a blowup tunnel, had a blue bodysuit on and was cocky as all get out, I think the multiple comparisons to Power Rangers, Battlestar Galatica, and William Shatner (I honestly don't see that one) were a bit over the top. Still, it got MVP over as a guy fans could easily rip on for the rest of his tenure in WWE.

So, who was MVP's first (televised) opponent  in WWE? Why it was Marty Garner, of course. Commentary might have forgotten who he was, but the internet has not. Marty Garner is that guy who took the craziest looking pedigree from Hunter Hearst Helmsley back in '96. Garner was also trained by The Hardy Boyz and one of the other guys from OMEGA, a promotion started by The Hardy's and their friends around North Carolina. Coincidentally, MVP would go on to have a rather amusing feud with Matt Hardy some time after this match which saw Hardy and Porter perform all sorts of challenges to see who was the better man. These challenges included a football throwing contest, an arm wrestling match, a pizza eating contest, and a beer drinking contest.

Match of the Day - Stone Cold seeks revenge on the man who ran him over!

Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Rikishi - No Holds Bared match - WWF No Mercy (2000)

Almost a year went by where the WWF fans (now known as the WWE Universe, of course) did not see Stone Cold Steve Austin from late 1999 to 2000. The reason for this, in reality, was that Stone Cold's neck injury he had sustained from a botched piledriver in 1997 (which ultimately shortened his career) had worsened,  forcing Austin to take some time off to recover. So how did the WWF write off the Texas Rattlesnake from television? Simple. They ran him over with a car.

But who done it? Well, that was a little more complex. As a full time watcher of all things WWF around this time, I was glued to the TV every week waiting to find out just who ran Stone Cold over. And while I had my suspensions (Triple H), I had no idea that the driver of the black car that hit Stone Cold in the parking lot at Survivor Series would be... Rikishi?

Rikishi admitted to taking out Austin almost a year later on Raw after his match that night. But why Rikishi why? Thus, the Rikishi meme was born... 'Kishi admits that "he did it for the Rock" and for all the Samoans who had been held down since the Rock's grandfather was in the business. Rikishi then admitted that, if he had the chance, he would easily run Austin over again!

In Stone Cold's first match to the ring in almost a year, he got his chance at revenge on the man who ran him down.. in a no holds barred, anything goes match at No Mercy in 2000. The match gets so heated that Stone Cold shoves Rikishi in the back on his beat-up pick up and drives him outside where he leaves the 400 pound man in a bloody mess laying on the side of the building. In the final eye for an eye confrontation, it looks like Stone Cold will run his truck into the lifeless Rikishi. But as he revs up the Stone Cold mobile, he instead runs into a police car! The match ends there with Stone Cold getting arrested and put in a police car.

Vintage Austin.

Theme Results

Returner: Stone Cold Steve Austin to get his revenge after being put on the shelf for almost a year via attempted vehicular manslaughter.

Match of the Day - Simon Dean eats 20 double cheeseburgers

Simon Dean vs. Bobby Lashley - No Mercy (2005)

The fitness guru, Simon Dean battles the newcomer to WWE, Bobby Lashley in his first PPV match at No Mercy. Bobby Lashley had already fought and defeated Dean in his debut match on SD!, but this time around Dean added a little stipulation to the match; Dean, being the heel health-nut he was, decided to poke fun at the crowd for being from the fattest state by bringing out twenty double cheeseburgers... and then thought it would be a good move on his part to make the stipulation that if Lashley beat him, he would eat all twenty of the burgers. 

Simon Dean then lost the match in less than three minutes. And although Lashley only stuffed one cheeseburger down Dean's throat in the end, the tray of burgers was carried to the back where the squashed Dean, being the good-sport that he was, eat the rest and threw up (all speculation, of course).

As for the match itself... It was as sloppy as the cheeseburgers. 

Theme results

Food: cheeseburgers.

Match of the Day - Jeff Jarrett teaches Chyna how to be a woman in his last match ever in WWF

Hardcore Wednesday:

Jeff Jarrett (c) vs. Chyna - Good Housekeeping match for the Intercontinental title - No Mercy (1999)

In order to prove that Chyna was really a woman, Jeff Jarrett issued a special challenge to the "Ninth Wonder in the World" to put her female skills to the test. The challenge: a Good Housekeeping match. What exactly is a Good Housekeeping match, you ask? Clearly it is a match filled with any sort of object that could be found in the house that women might use. So yep, Jeff Jarrett tried to beat Chyna with everything... including the kitchen sink.

This match is pretty significant not only because it was the first ever match featuring a man and a woman fighting each other with household objects and no one got arrested for domestic abuse on PPV, it was also significant because it was the last WWF/E match for Jeff Jarrett (who was wrestling without a contract and technically wasn't a WWF superstar) and was also the first time that a female wrestle, yep Chyna, won the Intercontinental title or any other title that wasn't in a female division in the WWF/E!

Now, this Good Housekeeping match might sound a little ridiculous and the last hurrah of Vince Russo (who was also leaving for WCW at the time) on paper, but from the looks of the promo shown before the match, this was seemingly one of the better and more well put together rivalries of late-1999. Even if this match revolved around Jarrett trying to hit Chyna with "every household appliance known to woman".

While Jeff Jarrett has yet to step in a WWF/E ring since this match, he did have a run in with Chyna again a couple years back when Kurt Angle brought her out as his "mistress" tag team partner against Jarrett and Angle's former wife, Karen. However, this was after Chyna stopped wrestling and started doing porn instead. So...

Thanks TNA.

Theme results:

Final match: Jeff Jarrett in WWF/E

PS: There were so many jokes for this match and I just couldn't write them all down. My apologies.